It's a damn cold night...

Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
いつか失ってしまうのかな。薄れてゆく笑顔と君を守りたい。
-- D-technolife

If fate is a wheel, then we are the sand that is crushed between the cogs.

Don't judge a life by one difficult season.

独自并不代表孤单，在一群人中狂笑着有时更寂寞。
-- 吴庆康

At times it may not even seem rational, but the heart has a computing ability that is far more accurate and far more precise than anything within the limits of rational thought.
-- Deepak Chopra
于是我让孤独更孤独，有一种不是悲伤的悲伤，才是刻骨铭心的悲伤。
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.
-- St Francis.
People's actions are influenced by their expectations. People respond not just to what is happening now, but to what they anticipate will happen in the future.
-- Sloman
不管你会不会忘了我，我只想告诉你一个秘密。
--《不能说的·秘密》

Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind.
-- Deepak Chopra

The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death but when I stand in front of you yet you don't know that I love you.
-- Tagore
Do do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings.
-- Matt 6:34

まだ不器用に笑うね まだ悲しみが似合うから
キミに降る痛みを 拭ってあげたい すべて I for you
-- I For You

the optimistic pessimist

supposedly an adult, she thinks like an adult (too much, if you ask me). deep inside, she is nothing but a little girl, with her little lofty dreams and ideals. and oops, she is breaking them, one by one.
more often than not, she is just an angsty emo kid.

she is only but
a passer-by,

an onlooker,
a walking shadow.

and this girl can't stop writing.

she stalks

|| cyn bea bao zou mel ||
|| joan weepz ||
|| blockc yeanching lehia kexi zhenlin horace alvin dina sandra becca tzehee ||
|| cruzteng peifen dasmondkoh ||
|| xiaozhu xiaogui sunxiezhi ashin kangyong ||
|| derrick jinglun stefsun natho lawrencewong ||
|| feliciachin joannepeh jeanetteaw sharonaw ||
|| xiaohan hyr chimkang mingde dannyyeo ||
|| xuyunling alvinology mrbrown esther ||
|| drbondar psychdigest ||
|| kfdrawing iwrotethisforyou thingsweforget ||

After all, what is in the past but what we choose to remember? They can choose not to hide it, to take what's broken, to feel the pain and know that it will heal. They know where happiness lies, not in a cave or a country, but in love and the freedom to give and take what has been there all along.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

she watches on

Others desire to experience the blessedness of giving, but we often frustrate them by refusing their help.


“你有心事吗？”
“或许有一天，我会告诉你吧。”
--《不能说的·秘密》

she holds on

　Memories were also a way of looking in a mirror, but it was a jagged mirror of broken glass, one that cast imperfect reflections. Like shards, these memories drew blood.

February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012 February 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 December 2014 January 2015 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015 May 2015 July 2015 September 2015 October 2015 November 2015 December 2015 January 2016 February 2016 March 2016 April 2016 May 2016 June 2016 August 2016 September 2016 October 2016 November 2016 December 2016 January 2017 February 2017 April 2017 May 2017 August 2017 September 2017 October 2017 November 2017 December 2017 January 2018 February 2018 April 2018 June 2018 July 2018 September 2018 October 2018 November 2018 December 2018 February 2019 April 2019 June 2019 August 2019 October 2019 December 2019 January 2020 February 2020 March 2020 April 2020 May 2020 July 2020 November 2020 February 2021 April 2021 July 2021 September 2021 November 2021 March 2022

she never gets

永远不会交的功课 || 永远不会实现的愿望

|| you ||

Responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for your situation, including yourself... Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.
-- Deepak Chopra

she thanks

Designer : Wei Jun
Brushes : Deviantart - Spy Glass

I don't know, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm a pair of eyes and ears, and I'm just trying to stay safe and make sense of what's happening. I know what to avoid, what to worry about.I'm like those kids who live with gunfire going off around them. I don't want pain. I don't want to die. I don't want to see other people around me die. But I don't have anything left inside me to figure out where I fit in or what I want. If I want anything, it's to know what's possible to want.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

Thursday, April 29, 2004
withers away @ 12:16 am

oh well i screwed up my chem test. who cares. i think i just freaked myself out. i should have done much better. but anyway, ytd we had a hell lot of fun in the lt. all thanks to weepz. beat was there too. all of us nearly literally rolled on the floor laughing. i mean who in the world would try to wear my sweater and throw shoes in the lt except for weepz? and all throughout the lecture we weren't even listening. he was trying to take pictures of em. hahaz. talking about em, i really hope she's fine. she seriously needs rest. haiz.
today i was so damn freaked out i think i started to freak people around me out. all because of econs essay. got quite pissed too. argh. shan't bother to elaborate. and we didnt even have any kind of guitar practice, since i was together with lao gong and beat and karen. so in the end we tuned my guitar. after beat left, lao gong and i figured out the intro of qing tian. and we managed to remember it. hahaz. yeah! will try to figure out the whole song somehow.
luo ye a, qi shi ye hen bu yuan yi, qi shi ye bu xiang hui yi, shei mei deng dao cuo guo le liu xing
fly away by fish

It's something Mystical

Monday, April 26, 2004
withers away @ 11:55 pm

ah well today went by fast. bio spa was damn screwed up. just hope i don't fail. ytd joan and i were complaining about how stupid this whole thing was. i just don't get the point. haiz. guess there's no point in knowing the point sometimes. what's the use? you still have to go through it. haiz. after sch listened to some jay chou's songs from weepz's mp3 player. got me quite sad and started thinking. ah well as usual. songs make me think. lao gong listening with me too. haha her theme song. well on thurs while we were doing lib duty a lot of interesting stuff happened and we nearly laughed our heads off, and she told me something interesting too. seemed to be seeing my past in her somehow. that's why it just looks so funny. ok but it's not v funny. ok just what am i talking about. and talking about lib duty. el and beat screwed up their first lib duty. damn funny. el nearly wanted to push the trolley out. luckily beat stopped her. oh my goodness just imagining that makes me laugh like shit. oh my.
and since we are on a jay craze, i shall copy lao gong and leave a line of lyrics every time i blog. so there.
wo zhen de mei you tian fen, an jing de mei na me kuai. wo hui xue zhe fang qi ni, shi yin wei wo tai ai ni
an jing by jay

It's something Mystical

Saturday, April 24, 2004
withers away @ 11:08 pm

ytd was the electorial speeches. 95 candidates. how did we survive? well lao gong and i were talking some girl talk. weepz was writing lyrics and talking to joan. i guess all of us just slacked away. actually el and beat wanted to run away from sch, but unfortunately got caught by mrs cheng. but at least they got away from her. and we were actually screaming for the people we knew, like jc, em, etc. and our fanclub for jc died. so damn funny. joan, mb and i actually wanted to scream "jc, wo men yong yuan zhi chi ni!" but in the end, joan said "1, 2, 3", we all took in a deep breath, and no one screamed. hahaz so damn funny man.
well today was quite an interesting day. we had napha in the morning. when lao gong and i walked in, we saw the rj and nj softballers warming up or something. then it struck me that maybe kenneth would be somewhere there. and i had a hard time trying to remind lao gong who he is. -___-|||. and thank goodness she finally recalled. i was trying so hard to look for him and joan thought i sounded so damn despo. hahaz. and we saw a beautiful rainbow! oh my just when did i last see one. but anyway, we couldn't spot him. the boys match went on for only a while and we had to go for napha. i did fine for everything except sit ups. damn it i screwed it up. and ended up screwing up everything. i could have gotten gold, as long as i do 27 situps. damn it. and damn my com now it's screwed up.
but anyway after napfa joan went for choir. lao gong and i didnt want to go home before 12, so we stayed to watch the softball match. it's the girls one already, and i was still trying to spot kenneth. still couldn't find him, since the rj team was so far away, and their tees don't say their names. then he msged me and asked me where was i. so lao gong and i started to find a guy who has a hp in his hand. lo and behold that's him! haha. so we had a sms conv though we could see each other. then later he came over to say hi. haha. well lao gong and i were actually waiting for em to play. and later we realized she was the reserve. swt. then weepz, jc and lk appeared. sat down and started to talk. well nothing much happened. so at 12+ lao gong and i went home.
ok on a more serious note. i'm actually quite worried for nyc. i wonder if cherie can take it anymore. i met her after the award ceremony during reception, and it seems that nyc is down in the dumps again. attitude problem as usual. and now it's sec 1 2 and 4 with that. i think it's really hard on cherie and valerie.. wonder how they are coping now. cherie says she's going to give up soon. she doesn't know what to do. neither do i. feel quite useless as a senior. can't give any advice. but i know somehow we will make it. we always do. somehow nyc always does. because we are nanyang choir! i still want to believe that we can make it.

It's something Mystical

Thursday, April 22, 2004
withers away @ 9:31 pm

i used to fantasize about bgr like a little girl. now i see the cold hard truth. there are things that nobody can control, like one's character. sometimes it is not because anyone has changed. it may be just because you see things in a different, perhaps clearer perspective now. nobody wants things to turn out the way they are, but it is nobody's fault that it turned out this way. situation has changed. things aren't looking good, but that doesn't mean they will not be. nobody knows what will happen in the future. i don't know what i can do to help, but i'll pray. i will pray for all the couples out there.
yes i really don't dare to do it. i don't find it in myself to do it. i think it's just an excuse. it is. argh. i don't know. but seeing everything around me over these years helped me see the truth. everything isn't as beautiful as what we see. i've lost the courage i once had. i've lost the innocence i once had. being together isn't only about two people; being together isn't only about feelings. when things start to settle, the truth sets in. i wonder how would i take it. i stand in the 3rd person point of view, looking at people around me, and i start to get quite scared. the way things change, the way situations change, the way people change. guess i'm just paranoid. i'm always paranoid.

It's something Mystical

Wednesday, April 21, 2004
withers away @ 11:56 pm

well today and ytd quite a lot of stuff happened yah.. i shall try to finish blogging. but i have so much stuff to do. ok. ytd after sch i just didnt want to go home. so i waited for the guys to finish their chem prac and then we went to the canteen to stone and talk. em was whacking everyone.. haha. even me! violence is a sign of pregnancy. *oops* got to know something more abt jc too.. sad case. all of us have jay theme songs. sad case. nvm. guess i can't do anything too. we have been singing jay's songs all the time these few days. don't know why. the older ones. v nice songs. writing lyrics too. just wrote the lyrics for an jing on my maths trigo. i have limited memory of jay's song lyrics. can listening to songs heal wounds? hmmm this is interesting.
ytd somehow i was v damn tired. i fell asleep at 10+ on the table and woke up at 11+, only to find myself still v sleepy. so i didnt do much ytd and just went to sleep. i'm totally deprived of sleep i can see. joan too. she seriously needs sleep too.
oh yah. about sum. joan and i are really happy to see this change in him. he really changed so so so much. he's talking more, smiling more. good! all because of.... shan't say it since i don't want to be whacked.
and today, somehow there was this overseas filming crew that was filming us all throughout the day or something. right from the beginning when we had morning assembly. and they were right in front of shaun!! so damn funny!!
ok then we had civics. mervyn came to ask us if we wanted lockers. and he had a v interesting conversation with miss tan. v interesting. i would want to know more! i'm sure joan and the 2nd row people too.. hahaz. damn funny. was laughing like mad.
then we had gp. there was no seat for me. just when i was going to carry a table, suddenly a seat appeared. coz they moved down one seat. and i ended up sitting beside daddy. still ok. i mean we didnt even do discussion. i just sat there stoning. was v tempted to write lyrics but was sitting too far in front to do that. if mr chew caught me i would die.
lunch. weepz had match later, so i had to return him his carabena (how to spell?). somehow just thought that if i didnt, something bad will happen, or something like his dream will come true. and the filming crew were filming us. we tried hard not to look. hahaz.
maths. damn funny. there was some prob with wanxuan's lenses. it got displaced and she was trying frantically to take it out while making funny noises. and she caught mr lee's attention. haha. the worse is yet to come. she realized that the lens she took out was only part of it. she let out a scream and looked for the remaining part of the lens while making more funny noises. mr lee just stood there to wait for the whole episode to finish. haha. 700+ degrees. in the end she got it out, and remained quite blind for the rest of the lessons haha. damn funny. then yong sheng sneezed. loudly. but not as loud as my dad. we all laughed again.
shan't talk about econs. if we have to write the poem, qy pls pls pls do it k.. thanks!
chem. we didn't do tutorial, neither did we do assignment. so the teacher just left us alone. and somehow joan had to come up with the term "hian hian boy". oh my gosh! she said i'm a les and i said i'm a bi. so there. seems to me case reopened again. why!! i must close the case again. hian hian boy just sounds argh!
this i must really really talk about. damn damn funny pw session. i nearly forgot about the award ceremony because of him. lee kwang damn scared i think. we were interrogating him like mad. we just got onto the topic of early bgr. and casie and i thought that he looked like the kind who has a gf before. so there. and he still said what stage is he in now. best. casie and i were leaning forward and kept asking him and he just kept leaning backwards while lao gong is bugging me to go and pack my bag. damn funny. i'm looking forward to the next pw session. definitely! lee kwang better watch out.. tsk tsk..
and finally award ceremony. my damn phone doesn't have reception in the classrooms and canteen. so i couldn't contact lao gong or cyn. damn. but had a nice little talk with some ppl like ling min, soh ee and simin. and somehow zhi xiu hugged me. i dunno why. haha. but i was v damn hungry. since our lunch break was at 10. in the end the only thing i was looking forward to was the reception after that. got myself a second helping. and wang yuan had to fracture her leg at this time. in the end she came out from the backstage to receive her award. had a nice talk with her too. somehow el beat and lao gong reminded me of the time when we played the strike rod and how we challenged each other by the nose and nearly got caught my mrs liao. damn funny. we still remember that after so long haha.
hmmmm that's about all that happened. well but so many things are happening and i start to wonder if it's possible to sustain till the end. there are too many unforeseen circumstances, too many uncertainties, too many waverings. how can you be sure? no doubt everything might seem ok now. but there are always the what ifs. many things are transient. i wonder what is there forever.

It's something Mystical

Monday, April 19, 2004
withers away @ 11:50 pm

well ytd went to tch canteen to do lib stuff. it was so damn hot! but at least we managed to do some stuff. i wonder if they met albert to give him the stuff or not. i didn't go since i had maths thinking skills lect or something. we didn't really do alot, but the guy kept doing his own stuff with his laptop, like watching PoT (i didn't really mind this since it was interesting haha) and playing cs. oh my. in the end he got pissed when hui fang told him when he has time to play he should have time to do work. then he walked off. guess hui fang's tone wasn't v good but. haiz. but we still managed to do work. good.
well nothing really happened today. quite uneventful. well the only v eventful thing was that beat and el cut their hair! el got her hair rebonded!! super big surprise!!! haha. but overall they look nice. just that el looks a bit weird. but guess we'll get used to it soon. tml is lecture day. so that's why i seem so free. but actually not.

It's something Mystical

Saturday, April 17, 2004
withers away @ 10:40 pm

today is an uneventful day. i woke up damn late today since i ignored my alarm clock and fell asleep again. guess i'm just sleeping too late lately. i did homework for the whole day. argh. watched a bit of winter sonata (in fact a lot) that my mum recorded. just love the show a lot. and because i've watched it before, it helps me to appreciate every little detail that happens in the show because of its significance later. i still want the OST of winter sonata.. just feel that the songs are really touching, esp when i look at the lyrics (thank god for chinese subtitles!) ok that's my day for you. have to do lib research for tml. come to think of it, it's the first time i'm meeting anyone to do project whatsoever on sunday. all my group members live in TCH hostel, so i'm meeting them at TCH canteen. just seems v weird. i nearly wanted to ask if i need to wear sch u there. hahaz.

It's something Mystical

Friday, April 16, 2004
withers away @ 10:49 pm

well realized that many managed to pass the interview for sc.. today was quite tiring, considering we had double gp period and pe as the last lesson. actually jun kiat is not that bad, maybe it's just because we had a bad impression of him before we worked with him. but somehow it's the way he carries himself. i can't really pin point. but it was really quite boring, but at least better than keep writing essays and stuff. but our class is not really responsive so. well. just don't feel like talking. pe was slack. i wonder how would i fare for next sat's napfa test. just don't feel like i'm really up to it. i'm lagging behind in hwk and in lib duty. oh no. i must go and do duty like mad on thurs. i find that i need to read my notes esp on chem and bio. nothing really gets in during lectures. the lecture in which i find myself absorbing is econs.
talking about econs. i started studying for today's econs test only on the bus today. ytd i fell asleep while studying chem and i decided i shall not study anymore. so i went to bed but didn't sleep. i will flunk my chem. i don't know how to do the mcq questions, and i didn't even finish any one calculation question. i will flunk it. shit. econs wasn't difficult, but i guess i screwed it up due to poor time management. argh.
sometimes when things don't turn out the way we want them to, the only thing we can do is to try to solve the problem or make the best out of the whole situation. some things cannot be changed, some things have to be compromised. and it isn't anyone's fault, because all of us have different mindsets and live by different principles. but some problems cannot be dragged on too long. it tires the mind and heart. no matter how much we don't want to deal with the problem and try to ignore it, it is impossible to not notice such a thing. even if we think we can forget or we can take it, more often than not we are just deceiving ourselves. self-deception is not a solution. it causes us to sink into the abyss of misery for a v long time. sometimes we get so used to it we don't feel it anymore. everything feels quite empty no matter what happens. there is no life, no happiness, nothing. if something can be done, do it. there's no guarantee that it would work, but at least try. no harm. at least it's better than bottling everything up inside and explode one day. you can try to hide the explosion, but you can't be sure if anyone would walk pass and see it and try to help you out of it. don't reject this person. things would work out. there's a purpose for everything happening. take it as a challege and face it.
ok that was a whole lot of crap. bullshit. whatever.

It's something Mystical

Thursday, April 15, 2004
withers away @ 9:48 pm

yes sum is getting daring. i guess we don't need to worry too much anymore. hahaz. i still think it was damn funny. like i said, he's gao1 shen1 mo4 ce4, shen1 cang2 bu4 lou4 (how do you say that in english?). i'm right. haha. let nature take its course and it will be fine. :)
well after joan left to go home, qy, sum and em went to the lib to do work. lao gong and i used the computer in the lib and then later in BYTZ. then later i went down to the student lounge and slacked around with weepz, lee kwang and jc. played cards. actually didn't intend this, but it turned out this way so. guess we couldn't do anything about it. then lao gong came to join us. so we played until 6. there was just no time to talk. well no choice. felt relaxed anyway. towards the end we left lk alone with "i don't know what's her name". haha.
how i wish i could be well faster. NAPFA's next week. i don't want to choke on phlegm and die. and it just doesn't feel good to keep telling el to keep away from me. haiz i think it's the virus.
haven't met cyn for 2 days and tml we are probably not meeting. so we can only meet on next mon! but anyway glad that she found a friend in choir whom she can talk to. quite relieved actually, since i'm settling v well in my circle of friends in nj now.
ok need to go and study econs and chem tests. haven't done any study or whatsoever yet.

It's something Mystical

Wednesday, April 14, 2004
withers away @ 11:12 pm

well my nose is blocked. i don't feel like going to a doctor because i don't feel unwell enough. i just feel tired, because i don't have enough sleep in addition to my illness. argh i just don't want to see a doctor.
let's see how much stuff do i have to do by tml. econs essay outlines (i don't know how to do one of them), MI tutorial (i don't know how to do from part c onwards), bio summaries (like i bother). well i think i will give up on doing maths. hope mr lee doesn't kill me tml. i'm just too tired. slept for the whole of chem tutorial today. according to lao gong the teacher (we still don't know her name since she doesn't care about greetings and she didn't intro herself) just walked past our classroom when it was her lesson and didn't come in. so i just slept through the whole period.
i'm seriously quite tired. drained. i'm trying v hard, but where will it get me? would it get me anywhere?

It's something Mystical

Monday, April 12, 2004
withers away @ 11:33 pm

i'm still sick. now my sore throat is ok but i've got a really bad running nose like a leaking tap. i used up 5 packs of tissue in sch today. i hope i can survive tml. i haven't finished my econs essay. i still haven't done my research on tribal culture. and it's already 11.20. i want to sleep early so that i can rest more, since i'm sick, but it seems impossible. and i have chem and econs test on thurs and fri respectively. tell me how am i going to sleep early?
and today is rather screwed up, since i thought i lost my econs notes and i have an econs test coming up, and an econs essay to do. i felt really sick and tired the whole day and i just wanted to sleep. last period during maths i felt like sleeping seriously. i couldn't really think by then. after lesson i went to sleep, though not v successfully, since i had to wake up to blow my nose before all the mucus flows out onto my table. yucks. sum went for training, jc went home, qy eh i forgot where he went, so the 3 of us were left in class. i still felt like sleeping. we had some laughs and played like 2 rounds of daidi before we left. oh yah and i found out that playing with penknives are fun. no wonder wee pin you like to play with them. guess i was just sick and depressed today. felt quite bad and didn't want to do econs. but i don't want to get killed by miss tan. so in the end i did it. but i still haven't finished. shit.

It's something Mystical

Saturday, April 10, 2004
withers away @ 10:59 pm

these few days weren't v nice for me. argh. i realized i had sore throat ytd straight after i woke up. no matter what i did the sore throat just didn't go away. i went to church and felt really sleepy and dizzy. but i guess i couldn't do anything about it. drank loads of water and ate strepsils. i didn't want to be down with fever today and not be able to go out. argh. i took my temperature quite a few times and luckily i was just sick with sore throat, coughing and some phlegm. but i was so lethargic ytd that i didn't do any work. and i slept early too. since i didn't do any work on thurs, i decided that i somehow have to start work today. well today was really nice just that i wasn't in the best condition to go out, since i'm sick. we went to causeway pt first and met mel. she rebonded her hair! and somehow it seemed so long ever since i last met her. got my birthday prezzie from her too. then we went all the way down to city hall and took bus to liang court to buy oreo cheesecake for el. and then we went all the way to cck to el's house. el we rule! we spent most of our time travelling for you! since you couldn't come out, we, being nice people, went to your house instead since it's your birthday tml! but anyway el was loaded with prezzies when we reached her house. hahaz what a pleasant surprise she got since we didn't tell her we were going to her house. rotted around at her house and went back later. started work tonight and realized i didn't know how to do everything that i'm supposed to do. damn it. i don't know how to do maths gp assignment, chem prac, bio prac. i only did econs tys mcq. damn it. that's far too much for me to copy on mon. damnation.

It's something Mystical

Thursday, April 08, 2004
withers away @ 5:09 pm

knew about el's condition last night. didn't sound v nice to me. beat, cyn and i are all quite disgusted by the side effects. el too. esp the bloated part. we seriously hope and pray that she won't have to take the medication for life. i think it's quite petrifying. el, may the force be with you!~ hahaz.
we are going out on sat(i hope my mum doesn't pms and not let me go)somewhere some time. mel is coming out to sg, and i sincerely hope that nothing is going to stop her from coming out. i miss her nyo! *glomps*
it's cyn's birthday today!! happy birthday dearie! all of us went to hc busstop to give her her present. but we couldn't go out for lunch together since she's going out for class lunch. but nvm. lai ri fang chang ^_^
and wee pin you still haven't tell me the real reason! just what is the difference between guys and gals? not all guys set the rules k, if not you wouldn't have wu ze tian being the first female emperor. *oh my just what crap did i say* so i don't care you have to tell me k.
oh i forgot to talk about my gp tutor. he's mr martin chew. erm he seems quite nice. he doesn't want us to greet him together, as in he doesn't want to be so rigid about it. and he allows us to eat and drink anything in class, as long as we dispose of it properly and we don't make so much noise while eating. great! he split us into our gp groups already, by letting us choose a card from the happy family cards. well i'm the sister from the stone family. jan is the mum, and jun kiat is the dad! oh my. first the already "stoney" me is in the stone family. then jun kiat is the dad! been getting not v nice comments about him. argh.
oh yah we got into our pw groups too. in the same group as lee kwang, casie and joanne. yun qi is actually the same group as us too, but since she already did hers last year, no point doing it again. the pw questions are so different from our sec sch ones and we don't really know how to go about doing it. we were supposed to generate questions that we have about pw, but in the end we went on to talk about how screwed up moe is in jae posting. and whenever ms heng (nie teacher) came over we quickly changed the topic into pw. hahaz so damn funny. but at least we sort of break the ice among us by talking about something more interesting.
and oh we have new ct reps and cip reps and treasurer. poor lee kwang and sishan. kena saboed by us. actually i was nearly made the ct rep. so glad i didn't make it. looking at lee kwang today just made me felt so thankful. hahaz. but i can see that he will make a good ct rep. sishan too. just that she tends to speak in chinese hahaz. lee kwang was asking people to go for some activites and he actually offered to treat the person to breakfast.. haha that was so bad.. i'm still the good old bio rep. hahaz. have to work out bio groupings later. oh no. i've got a lot of stuff to do too.
weepz and sum are not able to make it back to s27, since they couldn't persuade anyone to go out. well i suppose that's fated. we'll just live with it. we rotted in the canteen today. it was so damn funny. even lao gong was laughing. good she's more or less comfortable with us. i enjoy times like this when we can just slack. but how long is that going to last? we have to mug too. oh no.. talking about mugging.. my hwk!

It's something Mystical

Tuesday, April 06, 2004
withers away @ 11:13 pm

well it's been a long time ever since i last blogged. well we survived ytd. and we did survive today too. ytd spent some time after sch just stoning and talking crap. we may not talk much but i just enjoy the company. thanks guys! and oh yah we got mrs che for our bio tutor!! yeah yeah yeah!! and maths diagnostic test was ok. ok i admit cheating by asking beat what were the topics tested but still. hahaz. and yup wee pin thx a lot k.. thx a million (hahaz return u one million liao.. hope you are not so broke) i will think but.. knowing myself.. i won't reach a conclusion. but nonetheless i will still think. about the story, both of you just think through it. think really carefully. give each other strength and you all will turn out fine:)
well today was ok. erm.. oh beat showed me the new image of DeG. oh my!!! why like that!!! what did shinya's beautiful hair become! and totchi! oh no. oh my. and beat helped me tie a bun today. hahaz people like sishan found it cute. i should ask beat to teach me how to tie, then i go tie everyday. hahaz. today pe was horrendous. my elbows hurt like mad now. and i have thousand and one stuff to do now and it's already so late. serves me right for slacking in the past few days. and weeks. and now everything has piled up. i just finished compiling the new class contact list. and if weepz and sum's transfers are successful (that is if they are really transferring) the contact list would change again. nan and me are standing in for weepz and fio for the moment. why is it us?argh can't wait for tml's civics lesson when we elect the class committee. then i can throw them the debate thing and ask them to settle it, since no one wants to go. forgetful me just don't think that i will make it as a ct rep. and today's chem prac was a super screw up. super super screw up. shan't go into details. i think today is quite a screw up. shit.

It's something Mystical

Saturday, April 03, 2004
withers away @ 11:40 pm

went out with beat and el today. actually wanted to go out with mel(this was actually the main purpose of going out: to meet mel) but apparently the train tracks were flooded and there was no way she could get to the airport on time. so there goes her flight. so instead of going to causeway point, we went to bugis to shop. bought 3 rings. wonder what came over me today. i was in a "shopping spree" mood. but i don't splurge so i guess this should be fine. later went to liang court because el needed to pick up her mag and bk from kino. i must admit miyavi is really nice to drool over. i think i'm catching their fangaling mood. oh no. then we went to mac to buy ice cream cones. we sat down and started to talk about sec sch days. oh those were the good old times, when we first met, and about me and wang yuan fighting using the "strike rod". oh man. we laughed so hard. then later all of us were so full we wanted to puke and we got so sleepy. i was saying if it was late at night and if people saw the way the 3 of us were leaning against one another, they would conclude that we are drunk. haha. we were staggering to clarke quay mrt station. hahaz. funny sight.
oh yah el's eye is due to her overly-strong immune system. hope they don't find any dormant disease or virus or goodness-knows-what in her body. have to continue to pray for her.
well mon is going to be the first official day when weepz and sum are off to another class. we shall survive.

It's something Mystical

Friday, April 02, 2004
withers away @ 11:05 pm

ok let me talk about the zoo first. thousands of stuff to say. first and foremost: lao gong *glomps* HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! you are older! *evils cackles* hope that you will always be just as crazy as you are. we love you! *glomps again*. next, el has sclerosic inflammation. doesn't sound v good, but at least it's not cancer. it seems that her immune system is too strong. hmmm i don't know what does that spell. she said that she would tell me more tml, since it is quite impossible to explain via sms. and lao gong is officially in my class for the first day today! still her crazy old self. but i'm afraid of neglecting other people. oh no. i'll try to balance. i promise. but anyway, now lao gong has named her little red devil softtoy tok tok cheng! when i told cyn just now she was laughing like mad. hahaz.
ok next. we nearly spoilt everything between sum and em. not that bad, but everything is solved now. so he doesn't believe in believing us anymore. hahaz he's afraid that it would get screwed up again and he needs to settle it again. but they are actually doing just fine. it's always better to remain as friends first anyway. but they just have too much karma until we are all quite irritated hahaz. just overflowing karma!!
and now to add on to my "i miss" list.
i miss weepz and sum. it just felt different when i was the only one in our clique standing there in line with the class during morning assembly. joan at choir pub stunt, qy in band, sum and weepz in S28. i'm just not used to it. and they were back with us for lectures, since we were sitting in our old classes. so now, i wonder how am i going to survive next week. i think it will be worse for joan. but nvm. we will turn out fine!:)
we slacked in the library today praying for rain (it was successful!) and sleeping. i was just going through joan's clear folder though i don't know why, and i came across something. mervyn's letter to the class. i read it again, was touched all over again, and missed o1 again. i miss mervyn and his cock-talking. i went to photostat the letter to keep a copy for myself. those were the times.. sighz.

It's something Mystical

Thursday, April 01, 2004
withers away @ 11:15 pm

weepz and sum are out of our class. 2 more people on my "i miss" list. sigh. both joan and i are really quite sad. how true can my sixth sense be? mixed feelings indeed, because lao gong's birthday is tml and she got into my class. so should i be happy or sad today? it's so ironic. i mean joan was supposed to be v happy today, but at the end of the day this is what happened. changes are inevitable. things change, situations change, environments change, people change. some things change so fast that i don't even have time to react to it. something goes wrong and everything is gone. sometimes i don't know what to say or do; i just simply isolate myself from the real world. changes aren't something that i can just embrace with ease. all the changes that happen to me and to my friends around me are a little too much to bear. i guess i'm just too paranoid. ok i always am.

It's something Mystical

withers away @ 2:55 pm

ok i'm rotting in the school lib now, waiting for the confirmed class lists to come out. i hope our class stays intact. sigh. i hope they won't have banded classes except GP. banded classes for GP seem to be out, but we didn't check it yet. i'm just having some kind of mixed feelings now. tml's lao gong's birthday and i'm done with her present. hope she likes it. finished el's one too. i'm only left with cyn's one. if some unexpected changes happen about the class lists that i'm going to check later, i wonder how am i going to take it. i hope my feelings won't get too affected, because for the week it's going to be something like the "birthday week" for the zoo. i'm praying hard now. will blog more later.

It's something Mystical